lets start a swedish sibling band together
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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