OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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