is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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