I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I love you.
Bad choice
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
