Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
