Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
operation harelip BJ is a go
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
