Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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