I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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