Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
