Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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