There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
