I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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