She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize