as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
