Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
