I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
