she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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