i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
