The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
