I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
