3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
