I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Of course I have a pirate flag
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
