Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
