apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
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