apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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