I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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