Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
