i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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