ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize