i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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