Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
