I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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