yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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