i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
