i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
