what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
