I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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