3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
oh god the rape fog is back!
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
