She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Never joke about your clitoris.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
