She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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