yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
