hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
