I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize