oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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