I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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