I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
