ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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