just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
