the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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