I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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