pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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