I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
