I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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