You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
