in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
