remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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