I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize