Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
