I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Randomize
