Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
whose ass print is on the piano?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Randomize
