all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize