I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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