I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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