Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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