don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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