I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
