This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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