just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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