Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Please, let me fuck your mom
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
