you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
