Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
This is the high leading the old right now
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize