I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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