4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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