Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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