I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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