I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
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