I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
