why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
