My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
