i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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