That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
They should really pass out barf bags in church
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
