im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
