I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
