It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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