thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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