Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just gargled with NyQuil
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize