I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
