I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
3 2 1 whiskey
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
