He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
