Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
