Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
