Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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