there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
What happened to fro yo and sex?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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