so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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