So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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