I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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