Michael Bay diarrhea
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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